Sunday, December 30, 2012

third trimester

Woah, it's week 30 already! how did that happen? Just one more month of work and I'm officially on maternity leave! Not sure what I'm going to do then. I'm thinking Final Fantasy XIII-2. ;)
Apparently I'm not supposed to just to that, I'm supposed to get busy and start nesting. This is where you're supposed to throw out about 90% of your possessions to make your house free of clutter and get it ready for the baby. I haven't really felt any distinct urges to do so, but when I mentioned the need to get rid of some stuff in the room we'll use for the nursery, my hubby was more than willing to oblige.
And now I'm catching on to a little secret:
Even if you don't have crazy pregnant lady cleaning urges, you should pretend you do, if only for the fact that nesting is a great excuse to get your husband to help you throw away his ten year old collection of old car magazines and racks of CDs (including 'Hanson' and others) that you've been subtly hinting about getting rid of for ages, which he always promises to get to 'later'.
Later has finally come, my friends! Hallelujah!

In other news, my belly is now visibly moving from the outside, which is both endearing and mildly creepy. Before the little kicks and flutters mostly felt like slight muscle spasms, like after you work out or something. But now it distinctly feels like a strange internal massage.
Sometimes on your bladder.

This part of pregnancy feels distinctly like you're on the first part of a roller coaster, where you're on the steep slope, pulled up one click at a time by the chain. Now that I'm 3/4ths of the way up, you realize you're a little higher up than you bargained for, like, are those specks in the parking lot /cars/? you think, and you realize in a blink of an eye, you're about to go crashing down a steep slope, and be fed through a series of loops and lurches that last, oh, eighteen years.
And you would probably be lying if you said you didn't wonder maybe one time, jokingly, if there was somebody to call to get you off this thing before it's too late. ;) But the guy operating the car just gives you a condescending smile and tells you to hold on tight! Better hope you like wild rides!
Lucky for me I do. Let's do this!!

From the front (as long as I'm wearing a monotone dark shirt) and back, you can't really tell what's going on. Especially from the back, I don't look pregnant at all. there's no way to tell. It's when I turn to the side and suddenly my midsection expands like the reflection in a funhouse mirror that we get the raised eyebrows.

Also: let me tell you about my dream. No, it's not about how my teeth fell out or I was flying or how I was in my house but it wasn't *really* my house kind of dream. I wouldn't bore you with that.... yet. No, it's pregnancy related (duh).
I've been reading a lot about labor management techniques, because it looks like I'm probably not going to get an epidural. Not that I don't want one, or it's not possible to get one, I just don't want one in Japan, where they are not commonly administered. Dude, they're going to inject stuff in your spine, and you can't move your lower half of your body. If that's not a procedure you do ten times a day, I don't want you doing it. Here I went to a dentist where they messed up on an *xray* three times, because it wasn't done very often. Can you imagine messing up a spinal injection three times?! I'm envisioning Mr. Butterfingers from UHF.

Anyways. So, after a particularly intense afternoon procrastinating at work and googling natural birth pain management techniques, that night I had an odd dream.

I was in labor, only my brain sort of skipped over the messy part, and all the sudden, I was pink and panting and standing up with an ethereal glow, like I had just run a 10K race. The nurses were crowded around me in awe, and handed me the baby like a trophy.

"That was the fastest, easiest birth we've ever seen! You were only in labor for five hours! How... how did you do it?" they ask, crowding around to know my secret.

I answer, admiring the baby and holding him up for the cameras, beaming:
"It's because I exercised throughout my entire pregnancy!!"

Of course I immediately woke up and smacked my forehead with my palm, muttering to myself about what a naive idiot I am. But hey, I guess at least I'm not waking up with night sweats. ;)
And I *have* been exercising. Let's see if it helps. So far I've been pretty energetic. :D


Blogger Fugu Tabetai said...

Don't worry it only gets better from here! You do like poop, right?

7:34 AM  
Blogger cat weaver said...

You can do it!

6:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think most people don't look pregnant from the back. I know I didn't, and I was huge!

4:55 PM  
Blogger Kyra said...

sure, I ...loooove poop...hee hee. thanks guys!

11:58 PM  

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