Ray's Birth Story (what it's like to give birth at a Japanese clinic)

I am alive! And the baby came out eventually, just like they promised he would! I still can't really believe this guy was inside of me, kicking my internal organs and making funny faces at the sonogram just a couple of weeks ago. Let me tell you, it's way more fun buying baby things now that  he's out and well. There was just always that lingering doubt that he's not a real baby, or something, and you just don't want to jinx it by buying lots of things. But of course you can't put off buying the crib and carseat and first sets of clothes and diapers forever. And boy am I glad I did, because he needs all those clothes and ripped through the first ninety diapers in a week. How could that be possible?? because, because my uninformed friends, for every diaper you mangage to get on his cute little butt, you need about three as various shields against flowing open-air pee fountains and ... ROCKET POO. yes, you read that correctly. No I will not describe it. Except to say he nailed both daddy and the dining room table in a single hit with amazing accuracy.

So now he's out and adorable, I thought I would jump on the bandwagon of writing about how he got to be that way.

Part 1: Let's get it started

First things first. I was planning on getting an epidural , but the doctor at the clinic and two of my doula friends recommended against it. That and I found out the needle goes in your spine. So, I decided on natural childbirth.
The duedate getting closer, it seems the whole world seemed determined to remind me it was going to hurt. I would read articles online where their emphasis on how painful something was, they'd  use the phrase 'a pain worse than childbirth'. U2's song Yahweh even started to get to me, where Bono croons 'always pain before the child is born ~', in a mournful voice. Shaddup Bono, like you know anything about it.

But! as I mentioned in a previous post, epidurals aren't standard in Japan, and I ain't submitting to a procedure that the doctor is unfamiliar with. And Mom had all three of us without it and lived to tell about it. Also, ... this is a little telling about my personality, but, I kind of wanted to experience natural childbirth at least once, just to see what all the fuss was about.

On March 9, his duedate, no baby was coming. I wasn't even dialated a little bit. I was going a little crazy because I had finished everything on my 'to-do' list - including filing my taxes, getting the house and baby things ready, AND (most importantly) even finishing the game Batman Arkham Horror!
There was only one last thing on the list - taking a maternity portait. So on my duedate we went to a pretty park in Shinjuku where the very first of the cherry blossoms were blooming. You can see just how huge my belly got and why I was so anxious to get this little guy out.

the belly is alive... and angry!

My duedate was saturday, and I had an appointment monday where we confirmed he was still not going anywhere. The doctor set a date to induce. Deadline was coming close and clock was ticking!
I tried all the tricks to try to convince the baby to come on out, from eating pineapple and spicy curry to doing squats, bouncing on an exercise ball, drinking raspberry leaf tea, and continuing to walk everywhere. Here there's a saying 'anzan no ichimanpo' - which means 'ten thousand steps to a safe childbirth'. ie, walk ten thousand steps a day! .. well, okay, I probably didn't actually walk ten thousand steps a day. but i put in a good effort.
 As the week progressed I noticed more and more signs that labor was getting close. it was getting harder to walk - starting to do the full-term pregnant lady waddle, then my mucus plug decided to make an appearance.Then, the braxton hicks contractions I had started to notice the week before were getting quite strong, like all the muscles in your mid-region squeeze and make it a little trickier to breathe for about thirty seconds.
Then Friday morning around 11 am ... a trickle started flowing down my leg. It was almost certainly not pee! I was pretty near certain! (pretty near, because bladder control stops being something we preggos take for granted around the eighth month of pregnancy. yes, yes, we weep for shame.) Ten minutes later, it was still trickling. Okay, I think to myself. This must be your water breaking. Don't panic now.
DON'T PANIC!!
hehe.
Part of the reason I was trying not to panic was because I didn't want to go to the clinic right away. This leads me to a tangent...
Why Kyra  Did Not Want to Go to the Clinic Right Away
Our tale starts on a day at the end of winter, when I was having my birth plan reviewed with one of the clinic's midwives. ( a birth plan is a kind of contract between patient and doctor regarding what kind of interventions and environment you both want to allow while giving birth).
It seemed great at first. I got the nurses' okay to come in when contractions were 4-5 minutes apart (we live down the street), and during labor to stretch, walk around, control lights and tempurature of my room, use aromatherapy, listen to music, take a shower, basically anything I wanted to help get comfortable, until the actual pushing phase. I was stoked!
.... Until the parent class where we and about ten other couples got a tour of the facilities and saw there was a small area where you're attatched to a monitor and don't have room to walk around or shower or anything. "This is the labor room!" the midwife said brightly.
 I was wondering what the hell the birth plan consultation was all about, and after the class took the midwife aside and showed her my birth plan with 'ok' written all over it.
"Maybe the other midwife was thinking of private rooms? those are for after birth. although sometimes ... if labor is progressing extremely slowly we allow the woman to labor there... in rare cases. otherwise we'll have to ask you to use the labor room".

...
ahhhhh!
So, not wanting to go to the clinic until the last minute, I was sort of panicking, thinking of ways to put it off. I  took a shower, double-checked my hospital bag. I wasn't having contractions yet. I knew if I called the clinic and said my water broke they would tell me to come in right away! and I would be stuck in the tiny room, strapped to a monitor, for god knows how long! So I checked online (shh, at a very reputable looking site! I promise!), and it assured me that the waters don't dry up and there's no need to rush to the hospital the minute your waters break. Which was good, because it had already been a few hours by the time I read that.
Around 2 in the afternoon I did start feeling contractions. These were different from the braxton hicks... my back was hurting a little during these, kind of like a period. The contractions were far apart and irregular, but a few of those plus the water breaking really sealed the deal. Oh shit, this is really happening, isn't it. I'm going into labor!
I finally called Takeshi and asked him to come home. He got home around four pm, and then I called the clinic and told them I could be there in an hour.

At the clinic: my contractions went away mysteriously when I walked in the door, but they confirmed the water breaking wasn't just my imagination, and checked me in as a patient. A quick check for dialation showed that I was barely dialated at all. At this point, miracle of miracles, the nurse turned to me and said,
"As this is your first child, it's probably going to take quite a while. You can stay in a private room until your contractions are a few minutes apart".
Hallelujia!

Part 2 - In my corner

The room was like a nice hotel room, and Takeshi was there with me. The contractions started up again around dinner, but were about twenty minutes apart and not particularly painful. I had brought my ipod and a connector for the TV, and we watched Argo. Too bad it wasn't a comedy like I thought and required concentration to follow the plot, tough near the end when my contractions started getting serious and I needed a massage every fifteen minutes or so. For the most part they were fairly manageable with a hot water bottle under my belly, but every other contraction was getting bad. The movie ended and labor pains started for real.
Lucky me the private room had a shower. It was tiny and the water pressure was pathetic, but it was still great. I sort of waved the detachable shower head so the stream of water was around my belly.I think I stayed in there for half an hour. Finally I was getting a little cold, so I got back out and into some pajamas.
   This is where Takeshi really shone. Whenever it was bad, he had his serious birth partner look in his eye and would massage my lower back with a tennis ball. This required me moving to the floor near the bed and supporting myself. After about an hour of that, we tried another technique - I sat in an armchair, and when a contraction started,  he would kneel in front of me and push my knees in, taking pressure off my back. This was great for me, I could just sit there and save energy.
Around 11pm the nurse came in and hooked up the monitor, checking on the baby. She said he was doing fine, and I was afraid she was going to move us to the labor room - but instead she recommended staying in the private room as long as possible, resting if I could, which was music to my ears. We dimmed the lights and tried to get some rest.
... well, I got some rest. Takeshi didn't because I would tap his foot (sometimes desperately) and he would jump down off the bed and push my knees in. From about 11:30 until 1:30, the times between were getting shorter and shorter. To sort of mix it up, sometimes I would find various little things in my hospital bag to distract myself.
-aromatherapy oils: these were nice and I'm glad I brought them. A few drops of peppermint on a tissue, and sniff the tissue - was nice and refreshing
- 'hokkairo' pocket warmers: also a good idea. I stuck a few to my shirt over my lower back, which helped with the dull backache pains.
-eye mask: tried it, but ripped it off as soon as a contraction started.
- music playlist: well, I prepared this with some relaxing music (enya, jack johnson) and some faster stuff, but never really felt like listening. oh well.
-giant bottle of pocari sweat, weider jelly, snacks : essential!!
Takeshi loves boxing as a hobby, so he said he thought of himself as the ring corner team between rounds. you know, the guys that sit the boxer down, wipe off the sweat, pour some water in their mouths and give them encouragement? that's probably the best analogy of what you need anyway. I sure felt like I was going through about five hundred rounds of boxing, although each round was less than a minute with five minute breaks in between. "think of hawaii!" "think of stars in the night sky!" he said giving me things to visualize and distract me. "uh, think of super mario!" (me: "...?")
 so every five minutes he would jump off the bed and be in my corner with me.

something like this. (nytimes.com)

How can I describe labor pains? ... well, like a really bad period. that is to say an overwhelming ache in your lower belly and back, an intense pressure accompanied by fatigue. At least nature has been kind enough to factor in breaks with labor pains.
around 1 am, I am sorry to say I suddenly felt nauseous and... the special stamina food I had made myself that afternoon came back up to say hello. Not fun for either of us.
The nurse came back in and gave us some fresh towels and helped us clean up, and looked at the little sheet takeshi had been writing down times and durations. They were still more than five minutes apart, so she left us alone again.
About another half hour of me sitting in the armchair, hugging the hot water bottle and getting my knees pressed in and a drink of water for every contraction, I got up and sort of lunged towards the shower again. I remember leaning against the shower wall,  and moving the shower head around my belly. It was hard not to get negative about the pain, but hey, it's to get the baby out. I did the visualization trick of imagining the baby coming down with every contraction, and in the shower I was panting 'good baby, good baby, good baby'... haaa haaa haa... (naturally I was also thinking 'god damn baby this hurts you little shit!') but did not say that out loud. ;) The shower stall was really tiny, there was no way takeshi could fit in there with me, so every now and then he would hover nervously outside the door and ask how I was. but I was sort of glad for the privacy. there was blood mixed in with the shower water now, and I was really grunting. I think I must have spent about twenty minutes in there, but finally had to come out, the pathetic low pressure shower wasn't enough to wave around my belly and keep me warm at the same time. I stepped out of the shower, shivering, and he wrapped a towel around me. As I was getting into pajamas another contraction started, with no time to get to my armchair! I sort of collapsed into a kneeling position in front of the bed and he rubbed my lower back with a tennis ball. One tennis ball wasn't enough any more! 'is there another one?' I cried. Um.... he grabbed something and rolled two tennis ball like objects on my back, giving much needed relief.
The other object turned out to be... an orange. Hey, nice quick thinking there!
 Once in my pajamas, he turned to me and said, 'isn't about time to get you to the labor room? your contractions are getting much closer together now, and lasting longer.' I was sort of in a daze, but that sounded pretty reasonable.
The nurse came and the two of them helped walk me down the hall to the labor room. I have to mention how everything had to be done in a hurry between contractions at this point. contraction... get out of the shower... contraction... get into pajamas... contraction... call nurse... contraction... talk to nurse... contraction... hurry down the hall... contraction... get hooked up to the monitor ... contraction... dialation check.

Part 3 - getting the baby out

 It was around 1:30 am when we moved, and at this point I was only dialated five centimeters, apparently. But hot damn, the check hurt. And just the little act of walking down the hall must have helped the baby drop, because once we had changed rooms, the contractions were suddenly like, holy fuck. nearly unbearable.
The good news was, the midwife was in charge of me now, and she had some magic hands she used to press really hard on my butt and suddenly the pain would dissapear.  She showed us the bed, but the thought of lying down seemed like crazy talk.she then also showed us an aperatus called an 'active chair' ... sort of like a rocking chair, but you straddle it and lean foward for support instead of back.
'I'll be on rounds, but call me if it's urgent' she said, getting up to leave. I felt like I was going to cry. My magic hands were leaving me!!
I sat on the chair, and Takeshi tried rubbing my back, but all the sudden I didn't want that at all and swatted him away. Poor guy. He clearly wanted to help me but had no idea what to do now. 'you can shout at me if you want, hit me, kick me if it helps..'
I am not proud to say when I sat on that chair rocking miserably back and forth, I took advantage of that proposal and asked him if I could bite his hand. I bit it pretty hard, I think. Sure made me feel better though!

The midwife came back eventually and noticed I wasn't really breathing as much as I should, so she got me in a rhythm,  breathing in and out with each push of  my legs to make the chair go forward and backwards. inhale - press down with my feet and sway back - exhale, release the feet and come forward again. Now it was like, I would feel a contraction starting, and I forced myself to take a deeeeep breath to start. ( this would also signal to takeshi and the midwife that one was starting), then... inhale! exhale! press! release! , repeat furiously until it passed. Then force myself to take another deep breath, signalling it was over, and takeshi would give me a swig of water, and I would lean forward for a few moment's rest.
This pattern really helped keep the pain under control, and brought the whole thing back into the realm of the tolerable (if barely). Around three, the midwife asked me to stand up for another dialation check. I could have laid down for the check but that seemed as fun as getting run over by a truck. So, I stood up, and all the sudden, upon standing up, the world shifted around me, I was clenching every muscle in my body, shaking, and giving a deafening deep gutteral groan / roar.  I noticed some blood came out on the floor,  and the midwife jumped back and stared up at me. Apparently I was pushing.
"Kyra, we have to move to the birth room. This baby is about to be BORN!"
Oh, well then. If that's all it is.
Walking was totally intollerable, I'm not sure how I got over to the birth room. it was only in the next room, but there wasn't a stretcher or anything, I think I was mostly carried. Oh, at this point, a very strange feeling was going on, like maybe there was a butt plug in there. I turned to the midwife and asked the midwife, 'excuse me, is there something in my butt?' (I thought maybe she had blocked it so I wouldn't poo on the birth chair). She looked at me and nodded.
'yes, that thing in your butt is the baby', she implied that it's taking up all the available real estate down there right now.
Ah-haa.
They asked me to lie down in the birthing chair, but I couldn't stand the thought of lying down, and said so crying to Takeshi (Japanese was not coming out of my mouth with this level of stress, so he was being my translator). The midwife helped me on to all fours, where I stayed for all of five minutes before the doctor arrived. The doctor looked pretty different at 3:30 am, all pale and puffy-eyed.
 Considering I was no beauty queen myself at the moment, somehow this made me feel better.
But then the midwife and another nurse got me laying in the chair, which was tilted so it was mostly like sitting upright, and wasn't as bad as I was convinced it was going to be. Then they got into baby-catching position and started asking me to push.
It's funny, I thought I would HATE guided pushing, but it was actually helpful, because I wouldn't feel the 'overwhelming urge to push' until I started pushing by myself, which was tricky to time with contractions going on. A contraction would start, and the doctor would say 'iki wo sutte,' (which means inhale), 'haitte' (exhale), 'sutte', then... 'ikinde!' (push!)
sometimes he would ask 'mou ikkai ikesou?' which means 'can you go one more time?', and I would exhale, inhale then push again in the same contraction.
Of course pushing was no walk in the park, so I was making lots of loud groans, but the doctor chided 'don't grunt, this leaves less power for pushing!'
ex-cuh-YUZ-me??? Did he really tell me NOT TO GRUNT while I'm PUSHING a damn BABY out?!!
Well, I tried once , just to see if it gave me more power, and actually it did. Damn it.
'jyozu desu ne!' the midwife exclaimed.

I don't remember too much except once the doctor said in English 'Yes We Can!' and chuckled with the midwife, and I shook my head and glared, thinking 'this guy is not making a stupid obama joke right while I'm delivering, is he??'
Not much after the stupid Obama joke, the midwife told me she could see the head, did I want to feel it?
so I felt a tiny sliver of a fuzzy head, almost dissapointly small amount. I thought it would seem bigger, because if it's that small that means there is a lot more of this extremely painful pushing to go through.
But apparently it really was pretty close to coming out. From then on it was only about ten minutes.
Just a couple of more 'sutte-haite-ikinde's later, earth shaking clenches and pushes , and ...
....

O.M.G.

...!
At 4:45 am, a very slimy baby is being held by the doctor and shown to me ! a dark red ball of screaming life!  I see him measured on a table not too far away, while I push one more time and the placenta comes out. They ask me if I want to see it... of course I want to see it. It looks like a brain, only bigger and redder.
 hehhhh, I say, making the noise of interest they make on TV shows here. But really I want to see my baby. At the same time I'm kind of scared, pretty intimidated. They bring him over and he's wrapped in a towel, still kind of bloody, and I'm still in pajamas. I sit there, exhausted, and suddenly I am terrified. I have this great picture where I am staring at the camera like a deer in the headlights, this tiny infant on my chest.
I don't know what to do...! I look to Takeshi for help, he looks just as scared as me.
I gingerly touch this baby that seems completely foreign, a practical joke the doctors have been playing on me this whole time. I mean, how could that have possibly been inside me? What can I possibly do for him?
But then I remember....oh wait, there's something I'm supposed to do! I remember from all of my reading  of countless articles on childbirth. I'm supposed to put him naked on my chest and have him suckle!
"I want to do kangaroo care" I say to the midwife, and she knows what I'm talking about, and helps us.
I can't even express what a strange sensation it is to have a fresh born baby that still looks kind of like a tiny alien suckle on your innocent nipple and have milk come out. Like, wooooooaaaah man... mind trip.
While he was suckling I became much more relaxed and the terrified feeling started to fade. I was already providing for my baby. Everything was going to be okay.

Ray!

It's now nearly eight weeks later and he's gained 2 kilos, smiles all the time and can stand up with support!
welcome to the world, Ray Shinkai. It's great to have you here.

Pregnant in Japan - Zounds, practical information!

My pregnancy is winding down, it's past my due-date, and I am stuck at home, just me and my braxton-hicks contractions, hanging out. So to kill time and do something useful, I thought I would try posting some helpful information about how to go about being pregnant in Japan.
...
Wow, am I actually going to try to post something informative and not just amusing to my later self? Yes, yes I am. Since this is one of the first times to attempt such altruistic bloggery, no promises shall be made as to your personal outcomes when following this amazing advice.

Ok so here goes. First a description of my personal first hand experience of what it's like being pregnant in Tokyo (ie what I did about it).

After taking the drugstore pee-on-a-stick tests, the first thing you should do is to find a clinic where they will give you an official exam. This initial exam is not covered by any kind of insurance (although they will ask you for your insurace card), and it will set you back about 6000 yen. They will tell you to take folic acid supplements and schedule your next checkup in a month (a month! it seems impossibly long at this phase, because you're not getting any feedback from the baby as to how it's doing besides maybe morning sickness), and also because this is the part where you're at highest risk for miscarriage. Some clinics will schedule you for less than a month and not give you official test results yet for this very reason.

Depending on the clinic you use, you may or may not be told to go to your prefecture (or city) office and register the pregnancy before the next visit. I live in Nerima-ku, they do not require any sort of certificate or test result in order to register. When you go, bring your ID and have a bit of time on your hands, fill out a paper (it asks you which clinic you're using), and voila, they give you a handy packet of stuff including -city provided insurance health check tickets. Not sure how to describe these, they are basically small carbon copy forms that you give to the clinic which makes your visits much cheaper. (just for a point of reference, using these vouchers, depending on the tests I was given, the visits would cost anywhere between 800 and 5000 yen out of pocket).

The packet also included the handy-dandy maternity seal you can put on your bag, which you dangle in the priority seat section of the train in hopes that someone will give you their seat. Note: you can't 100 percent rely on this working though, for me it only worked about half the time. If you really don't feel good and need to sit down you should work up the courage to tap someone on the shoulder and ask. (Tokyo has a pretty tough attitude and is very strange to ask for something to someone you don't know, so good luck mama!)
There was also a list of numbers for people to call if you need help after you give birth,
a free voucher for a dental checkup during pregnancy, and last but not least the mother-child handbook 'boushi techo'. This is one of those very Japanese booklets (like the pension plan booklet) that they expect you to take very good care of and never, ever lose. You bring it to the clinic for every checkup and the doctor will write down test results, but apparently you also bring it to the pediatrician for the monthly, yearly checkups and vaccinations until your child is in their teens. Hope you're good at hanging on to stuff!


Next, here is a list of terms that came in handy during when visiting the clinic for checkups:

Early checkups
pregnancy 妊娠 ninshin
pregnant woman 妊婦 ninpu
ultrasound 超音波 cho-onpa
uterus 子宮 shikyuu
morning sickness つわり tsuwari
swelling/edema むくみ mukumi
stretch marks 妊娠線 ninshinsen

high blood pressure 高血圧 kouketsuatsu

miscarriage 流産  ryusan

'safe period' (4-5 months into pregnancy when miscarriage rates fall): 安定期 anteiki

folic acid 葉酸 yosan
iron　鉄分 tetsubun
calcium　カルシウム carushiumu
vitamin ~ ビタミン(B12), etc 

Later checkups

birth canal 産道 san-dou
cervix 子宮口 shikyu-kou
placenta 胎盤 taiban

braxton-hicks contractions 前駆陣痛 zenkujintsuu

labor 分娩 bunben
birth 出産 shussan
contractions 陣痛 jintsuu
mucous plug / show = おしるし oshirushi
water breaking 破水 hassui
induce labor 分娩の誘発 bunben no yuuhatsu
episiotomy 会陰切開  ein-sekkai
epidural: 無痛分娩 :　mutsuu-bunbenn
birth plan: バースプラン ba-su puran
C-section 帝王切開 teiou-sekkai
breach 逆子 sakago

Products!
What are some things that came in handy for me? First of all if you go to any large department store (like Aeon), they will have a section for babies and this will often contain maternity clothes.
I really liked the 'cross rib' brand maternity jeans and shorts, and by the end was pretty much living in my maternity jeans.
http://shop.benesse.ne.jp/tamahiyo/disp/CSfLastGenGoodsPage_011.jsp?MSK_NO=0081622042010010&

Another few handy items (especially if you have your last few months in the winter like me) are 'hara-maki' = belly bands. it's just a circular band of fabric that fits and stretches around your waist, they're great as shirt extenders when you get too big, and also for smoothing over unzipped pants and skirts around months 4-6.
I bought about three of them. also, normal tights will be too tight in the waist, so it's good to get a few pairs of maternity tights.
Another great item: maternity girdle! I loved this. Inu-jirushi brand sells a belly-band/girdle combo which is a little pricey, but warm and great for supporting your belly when it starts getting heavy after month 5. (I slept in it nearly every night with it wrapped over my pajamas. )
http://www.inujirushi-shop.jp/shopdetail/015002000030/brandname/

This store (milk tea) has some really cute clothes. I bought my maternity coat there - it has a removable panel in the front you can use for covering a baby held in a sling on your front or back, so I'll be able to use it next year as well :)
http://junyu-fuku.com/SHOP/2200.html

what to do for pre-natal supplements? If you go to a clinic in Japan, you may find (like me) that your doctor/obgyn  recommends concentrating on a getting the nutrients you and your baby need through healthy diet instead of relying on supplements, which is probably sound advice. Of course if you read anything online from US sites, even suggesting not taking pre-natal vitamins is akin to blasphemy!
Most of the nutrients in prenatal vitamins are certainly present in a normal (healthy) japanese diet, but if you're worried about getting the nutrients you need, please refer to the section above for vocabulary. You can find supplements anywhere they sell maternity goods, like Aeon or Babies-R-us.
I just ate as healthy as possible, and on the occasional off-day when I realized I had only eaten like, a pizza and some bananas all day, I would take a multi-vitamin. I would also recommend having fortified lowfat milk, and a personal favorite brand of drinkable yogurt: iron, calcium and folic-acid fortified drinkable yogurts you can find in convenience stores: (called ichinichi bun no tetsubun nomu-yogurt, which means 'a day's worth of iron drinkable yogurt').
http://www.meg-snow.com/products/yogurt/8025b.html
I tried one once before I was pregnant and thought they tasted too metallic or something, but they taste great while pregnant! I guess your body tells you what it needs.
Also, I used to hate natto, but my belly made me love it! ;) there is definitely some Japanese blood in that kid influencing my taste buds. ^^

What if you don't speak any Japanese and you need to go to an English speaking clinic?
First of all, you should join the Tokyo Pregnancy Group on facebook.
http://www.facebook.com/groups/116049185109657/
They have lots of moms and moms-to-be in the same boat as you. From what I can tell, a lot of the ladies go to Seibo hospital and see Dr. Sakamoto for their primary english speaking care-giver. But not me, so don't ask me any questions about him as I won't be able to answer! ;)
If you're in Nerima and speak Japanese at at least a passable level, I can recommend 桜台マタニティクリニック, (sakuradai maternity clinic), as they've been taking great care of me. I will let you know how labor goes... if this baby ever comes out!

http://www.sakuradai-mc.com/top.html

xoxo and good luck to you ladies having your baby in Japan! <3 nbsp="" p="">Kyra

Babymoon at Miyajima - or - How I climbed a mountain while 8 months pregnant

Scandalous title, I know. Mom, don't pass out. ;)
So as I have been passing the time checking out the plethora of maternity sites available on the internet, I have discovered there are a bunch of to-do lists on these sites, listing many useful things you must absolutely have done before you go into labor. These lists are speckled with new intimidating vocabulary, including words like 'babyproof' ,'birth plan', and ... 'learn how to use your breast pump' (my what? I'm supposed to have one of those?) which you can use to distract yourself from work - I mean, give yourself ideas and also feelings of inferiority.
One of the items prominently featured on these sites:
'Babymoon'. Go on a trip. A nice vacation with your hubby, as long as you can afford/ your distended bump allows you stamina for.
I know they're hinting that we should go NOW because we probably won't be able to go for a while, but it sounded like an awesome idea. I'll take any excuse for a vacation.

Without further ado, we booked a trip to one of the few famous places in Japan that we haven't been to yet - Hiroshima. Hiroshima may not seem like the most romantic of venues, but it and the surrounding areas of Miyajima (a shrine on the ocean dedicated as a world heritage site), and the many islands of the Inner Sea are famously beautiful, and definitely worth a visit.

Day one of babymoon: A little research and I found out to my delight that you can ride an airplane with ANA up to a month before you're due. This is much more lenient that the three months for international flights. Nice to know, considering the shinkansen to Hiroshima is nearly five hours and twice the price of an airplane ticket.
So, we took a flight from Haneda at 8am. It's a two hour flight, half an hour of which involved taxiing on the tarmac, but eventually we landed at the airport nestled in the mountains about an hour from the city, and got into our rent-a-car. It was a really cute Honda Insight, nearly the same color as my darling old civic 'aochan'. As a hybrid, it was naturally a little low on power, causing Takeshi to grumble, but we liked it more than a Prius.

First up: a long string of picturesque bridges over the Seto Inland Sea!

What is there to do here?
-Try not to miss your exit. there is only one per island, some of which are large.
- Eat thousands upon thousands of tangerines. I promise you will not even make a dent in the vast supply available. The islands are all COVERED with mikan (tangerine) trees, of different varieties, all of which were in season while we were visiting. Result? We must have ate dozens of the sweet little fruit. And then got some boxes shipped home. Which reminds me, there are still a few mikans left in a box in the hall. I think I'll go eat one.
... OMNOMNOM!!

Okay I'm back now, where was I. There was an onsen, but it was heavily chlorinated and a bit of a dissapointment, but Takeshi found himself chatting with a local farmer while in the sauna about the details of mikan farming. Fact!  Wholesale, farmers can only get 100 yen per 1kg of mikans!? They must not be in it for the money. ...On that note, I must try to find wholesale mikans...

It was a clear sunny day, the colors of the sparkling blue inland sea, light blue sky, and the green islands
were speckled with orange from the tangerines set off the majestic white architectural beauty of the bridges connecting the islands.
We found a beach, where Takeshi promptly scouted around for good fishing points. Not that he had brought a rod or anything, just... BECAUSE.Apparently that is what you do when at the seaside.
'Too shallow', he proclaimed, and just like that, we were ready to go back to the hotel.
There was a long drive waiting for us, and Takeshi was starting to doze off behind the wheel. With a vote of two to zero, we decided that a giant belly was less of a driving hazard than possibly falling asleep, so I took the wheel. It was really not that bad. And did I mention the car was pretty cute?

The next day, we took a ferry to Miyajima, the home one of the most beautiful shrines in all of Japan - Itsukushima Jinja.
This is the shrine that is famously on the water, it looks like it's floating during high tide. The big red torii gate is massive enough you can pass a rowboat through, which is popular during, well, warmer times (we went in January. Hell no I am not getting in a rowboat in January.)
Our plan was to get lunch, visit the shrine at high tide, take the gondola to the top of the island and walk around for a bit, then get back by low tide and look at it again.
Lunch was an anango rice-bowl, a local treat. anago is an eel that is different from unagi, for some very important and distinct reason that keeps eluding me. Like anago is freshwater? no? I think Takeshi told me that was NOT IT, waving his arms at me. But they cover it in the same sweet sauce and I'll be damned if I can remember the difference.

We walked through the picturesque village area near the shoreline- the bay and distant view of the mainland to the right, cedar trees and wood houses selling snacks and souveneirs to the left. Although we had just had lunch this didn't stop us from purchasing lots of kinds of snacks, and trying to keep said snacks away from the semi-feral deer that wander around and are suspiciously fat, even though there are signs that said 'do not feed the deer' everywhere. I'm guessing the deer haven't read those signs, since they tried to eat our senbei AND the sweet potatoes in exchange for a little pat on the head, following after us merrily on the way to the shrine. I felt like the pied piper of pan, with deer in tow. Finally we got sick of them so we threw the end peice of a sweet potato 'go long!' and made a run for it.

you stinky!

The shrine was like a boardwalk of sorts, over the shallow sealine, which doesn't seem to get choppy to cause problems to the tourists. The ocean is really calm, because it's mostly surrounded by land on all sides except for narrow openings hundreds of miles to the north and south, (hence 'inland sea'). It was mostly an open design, with red poles supporting red roofs, and views of the shallow water on all sides. There were even tiny pufferfish swimming in the water right by the planks!

still standing, in defiance of global warming and rising sea levels.

January is the month to go to the shrine and get your new year's blessing. We already went to a shrine sort of close to our apartment on one of my long walks, but! This shrine is way more powerful. Probably. What? I know I'm not the religious sort, but it's like seven hundred years old, and I'm about to have a baby. So I got a 'safety in childbirth' charm, from the POWERFUL shrine, to take with me when I go to the hospital. (I already have aromatherapy oils, a yoga ball, hot water bottle, printouts of good positions for labor, a playlist of music, some different textures to run my fingers over as a distraction, drinkable jelly energy-boosters... etc etc. I would prefer to over-prepare than under-prepare. A good charm is a welcome addition to my large arsenal. :D )
So, charm purchased, we took some pictures and left for the ropeway. Well, not before I lingered a little too close to the enormous vats of sake, giving each vat a longing gaze....

wait for me, sake... I will be back for you... someday!

The path to the ropeway went though an old forest, which interestingly seemed to have a public restroom every couple hundred feet (happy news for the pregnant lady). Also it took us past an open cafe on a hill-top, where we took a break , had some matcha (green tea made from powder) and maple leaf-shaped sweet bean cakes, which were only a little bit of a rip-off. but it was nice to rest our tootsies. Plus the view from the hilltop was gorgeous.

 Miyajima!

After that it was just a hop, step and a jump to the ropeway ticket seller. So, imagine this scenario, will you? To the right, the path continues with a gently sloping paved cement trail with a sign 'top of mountain: 2.5 kilometers', and on the other hand was the ticket line, really long I might add, with the price of 1800 yen per person. We looked at both. And naturally, having felt a little ripped off from the tea and cakes, we looked at each other trying to get a sense of how we felt about walking the rest of the way.
 '2.5 kilos, that's not bad! I mean, I take longer walks than that for exercise. I can totally do it. You know. If you want,' I said to Takeshi. 'I need to take a long walk today anyway'.
'Only if you're up for it,' he said, looking relieved, 'and I'll help you up if it gets steep, don't worry'.
Oh boy, did he learn to regret that promise.

For the first half kilo, it really was a peice of cake. Totally paved. Gentle slope. We even snickered at the hordes of old people, dressed in brightly-colored mountain climbing gear.
On the second half-kilo, the gentle slope became gentle stairs. I like stairs, especially while pregnant, believe it or not. They feel really great on swollen ankles and stiff legs. At Rakuten the elevators only stopped at certain floors to save energy and we had to take stairs to get to meetings, which would always freak my boss out when he saw me taking them. 'Kyra-san, you really don't need to do that! there are special elevators for the handicapped!'
I AM PREGNANT NOT HANDICAPPED YOU BIG OAF!
... I would muffle the voice in my mind and assure him it was perfectly ok.

So the stairs were cool. no problem. There was a bench at the top of each flight. I would be lying if I said I didn't sit down at each one for a little breather, but that's what they were there for!
... and then the stair-paved pathway turned into a hiking trail, with the stairs replaced with irregularly sized boulders. Oops.
'Take my elbow', offered my exceptionally fit husband, and I took it with such voracity that about a third of my weight was on him at any given time. The climb became like one of those kiddy ski-lifts, where you just have to hold onto a rope, and the rest of you gets pulled up the hill.
Yeah, I know what you're thinking...'that's cheeeating!'
But 'climbing a mountain' sounds more impressive than 'being pulled up a mountain' though. ;)

showing off the maternity badge

I'm training. for.. childbirth?

Several boulder flights later, we were both huffing and puffing, and sat down on another bench for a break.
'I feel bad about making fun of the old guys with their hiking gear now'
'I know what you mean. But they were pretty adorable what with their matching outfits and everything.'
We snickered to each other, blatantly ignoring the stares of other hikers on my enormous belly, not really well hidden under my big coat.

But we were now most of the way up, and had rejoined the trail where the top of the ropeway comes out. There was still about half a kilo left, but it was gentle and paved again. And did I mention the view was spectacular?? Check it out!

too bad it was a cloudy day, imagine if it were clear!

We got to the top observatory, and checked out the lovely view, panting from the long hike up the hill, started shivering when the wind kicked up, and started the descent back down.
There was a small rocky part where I found an interesting observation: I can climb *up* hiking courses (with support) okay... but down?! Not even a chance. My protruding abdomen makes it impossible to see exactly where my feet go, and my center of balance is a little off, pulling me forward. Climbing down just one small path in a manner that involved not falling on my face took about three times longer than getting up it!
... in other words, you can probably guess, we took the ropeway/gondola ride *down*.

Me: "If I take it kind of sideways, doesn't it look DYNAMIC?"
Takeshi: "It looks hard to see, that's what it looks like"
( Whatevs. Haters gonna hate.)

We made it back by 4PM, just at the low tide mark, and got to see the torii gate up close. The supporting poles are *massive*, made from single tree trunks of what must be nearly thousand year old trees!! It was pretty incredible, but took a bit of fancy footwork to avoid both the other tourists and walking in tidepools.


The next day we saw the peace museum and surrounding in Hiroshima city (informative, awe-inspiring, depressing, oddly beautiful), and then had our long leisurely drive back to the airport. We stopped twice at different fruit stands to have more mikans delivered to us in Tokyo. (did I mention they were TASTY??... from the time I started writing this until now we have run out. By which I mean I ate them all. darn it.)

We returned the rental car, got to the airport, and found ...
ALL FLIGHTS TO HANEDA WERE CANCELED!! For the rest of the day! Apparently there was about three inches of snow in Tokyo, such a rare occurrance the airport was completely shut down.
I've never had a flight cancelled, it was not a pleasant experience. We had work tomorrow! ... there was maybe one way we could make it back... somehow catch a bus back to the city, slog to the station, barter our kidneys for standing room only shinkansen tickets where literally we would be forced to stand on a moving bullet train for five hours, or ... stay at the airport hotel, and take the next flight out in the morning.

As responsible adults, dedicated to our work, we naturally thought 'screw that' and promptly checked in to the hotel. Well, so we had one more night of lovely babymoon vacation, I suppose there have been worse things!

Hopefully there will still be babymoons, even with a baby? I'm thinking Hachijoji is looking good at the beginning of June! ♪

The longest Tangent

Well, since I'm on maternity leave now, tying up stacks of old magazines to throw out and giving half an eye to various room dimensions, trying to figure out where all the new stuff is going to fit, I thought I'd have time to write a blog to keep future me amused (hi me!). But I kind of went off on a super long tangent, so in the interest of laziness I'm cutting it out and posting it as a separate entry.
Two blogs for the price of one! Don't say I never did anything for you!
...
Last month I was busy busy, finishing up stuff at work, reading list after list on how to get ready for the adorable little gremlin about to come into our lives, making lists of my own, quickly minimizing the screen filled with embarrasing big belly stock photos on pages like whattoexpect.com and babycenter.com whenever a coworker passed behind my desk.
I learned a lot. Like maybe too much. Yesterday on my powerwalk in the park (see? keeping up with the exercise! just like my dream. so I'd better have an easy labor, dream, you promised), I found myself making up a quiz on aspects of labor.
Here are some questions. Do you know the answer? chances are if you're 34 weeks into your first pregnancy, and have access to the internet, you do now!
Q1. Name six disgusting things that will come out out you from down there. You can count fluids expelled from as early as a week before your due date.
Q2. What are Kegels?
Q3. What are the names of the three phases of labor?
Q4. Okay, but the first phase has its own three subphases. what are those.
Q5. Of the three subphases, which is the shortest one, but happens to be the one where people report feels like 'your pelvis is being run over repeatedly by a cement mixer'?
Q6. Name two methods with natural pain-coping techniques?
Q7. You realize the cement mixer will laugh at your feeble attempts at these techniques, right? (okay, just checking.)

Here are the answers to the quiz!
1a. 'mucous plug; aka bloody show'
1b.'amniotic fluid - aka water breaking'
1c. 'poop - while delivering'
1d.'if a late labor- baby poo, which is a tar-like black substance called 'meconium'
1e.'placenta'
1f. ... admit it. it's kinda gross at this point. I'll give you a point if you say 'baby'

2.vagina toning exercises. I kid you not. Better hope you've been doing them, because if not, you may be wetting yourself FOREVER after childbirth. Or maybe you shouldn't do them, it might make it worse. Squats might be better, depending on what physiologist's blog you read, while nibbling your nails in fear.
3.labor, pushing, afterbirth
4.early, active, transition
5.transition. 'it's "only" a couple of hours! get over it ladies!'
6. Lamaze, which consists of visualization and breathing techniques. Bradley method, which involves the husband somehow, I should probably look into this. Maybe as using him as a punching bag during the more painful contractions. Takeshi takes boxing, he can probably take it.
7.
BUT EXERCISE WILL MAKE IT BETTER RIGHT
YOU PROMISED ME, DREAM!

..did I scare you? I'm not scared, more like mildly amused slash annoyed. But I'd like to keep you all terrified to make me feel confident, well-informed and self-assured, relatively speaking. After all, I have a web full of information at my fingertips!... the jury is still out on whether this is a good or a bad thing ;)

third trimester

Woah, it's week 30 already! how did that happen? Just one more month of work and I'm officially on maternity leave! Not sure what I'm going to do then. I'm thinking Final Fantasy XIII-2. ;)
Apparently I'm not supposed to just to that, I'm supposed to get busy and start nesting. This is where you're supposed to throw out about 90% of your possessions to make your house free of clutter and get it ready for the baby. I haven't really felt any distinct urges to do so, but when I mentioned the need to get rid of some stuff in the room we'll use for the nursery, my hubby was more than willing to oblige.
And now I'm catching on to a little secret:
Even if you don't have crazy pregnant lady cleaning urges, you should pretend you do, if only for the fact that nesting is a great excuse to get your husband to help you throw away his ten year old collection of old car magazines and racks of CDs (including 'Hanson' and others) that you've been subtly hinting about getting rid of for ages, which he always promises to get to 'later'.
Later has finally come, my friends! Hallelujah!

In other news, my belly is now visibly moving from the outside, which is both endearing and mildly creepy. Before the little kicks and flutters mostly felt like slight muscle spasms, like after you work out or something. But now it distinctly feels like a strange internal massage.
Sometimes on your bladder.

Impressions:
This part of pregnancy feels distinctly like you're on the first part of a roller coaster, where you're on the steep slope, pulled up one click at a time by the chain. Now that I'm 3/4ths of the way up, you realize you're a little higher up than you bargained for, like, are those specks in the parking lot /cars/? you think, and you realize in a blink of an eye, you're about to go crashing down a steep slope, and be fed through a series of loops and lurches that last, oh, eighteen years.
And you would probably be lying if you said you didn't wonder maybe one time, jokingly, if there was somebody to call to get you off this thing before it's too late. ;) But the guy operating the car just gives you a condescending smile and tells you to hold on tight! Better hope you like wild rides!
Lucky for me I do. Let's do this!!

Weird:
From the front (as long as I'm wearing a monotone dark shirt) and back, you can't really tell what's going on. Especially from the back, I don't look pregnant at all. there's no way to tell. It's when I turn to the side and suddenly my midsection expands like the reflection in a funhouse mirror that we get the raised eyebrows.

Also: let me tell you about my dream. No, it's not about how my teeth fell out or I was flying or how I was in my house but it wasn't *really* my house kind of dream. I wouldn't bore you with that.... yet. No, it's pregnancy related (duh).
I've been reading a lot about labor management techniques, because it looks like I'm probably not going to get an epidural. Not that I don't want one, or it's not possible to get one, I just don't want one in Japan, where they are not commonly administered. Dude, they're going to inject stuff in your spine, and you can't move your lower half of your body. If that's not a procedure you do ten times a day, I don't want you doing it. Here I went to a dentist where they messed up on an *xray* three times, because it wasn't done very often. Can you imagine messing up a spinal injection three times?! I'm envisioning Mr. Butterfingers from UHF.

Anyways. So, after a particularly intense afternoon procrastinating at work and googling natural birth pain management techniques, that night I had an odd dream.

I was in labor, only my brain sort of skipped over the messy part, and all the sudden, I was pink and panting and standing up with an ethereal glow, like I had just run a 10K race. The nurses were crowded around me in awe, and handed me the baby like a trophy.

"That was the fastest, easiest birth we've ever seen! You were only in labor for five hours! How... how did you do it?" they ask, crowding around to know my secret.

I answer, admiring the baby and holding him up for the cameras, beaming:
"It's because I exercised throughout my entire pregnancy!!"

Of course I immediately woke up and smacked my forehead with my palm, muttering to myself about what a naive idiot I am. But hey, I guess at least I'm not waking up with night sweats. ;)
And I *have* been exercising. Let's see if it helps. So far I've been pretty energetic. :D

Being pregnant in Japan, part two

I want to include a picture of my belly here, but though my belly is getting big, it's not quite the charming *obviously pregnant* kind of big, just the 'jeez, someone needs to tell this girl to lay off the Cheetos!' kind. Combined with my now-large chest and my naturally big butt, I am now approximately the shape of a sausage.
("An attractive sausage," my husband assures me.) So please forgive me for not posting belly pictures quite yet.

Anyways, where was I. Oh yes!! 97!

I can take those odds, I thought, and had a weird dorky grin at work all day, and kept myself from peeking at the sonogram and/or maternity themed websites.
But uh, considering I was trying to keep this whole thing under wraps from my company, I didn't dare use the magical token afforded to me by the city office, namely a a little badge you can attatch to your bag that announces to the world at large to give you their seats on the subway. (Due to the high probability of being seen by coworkers on the same train route, there was no way I was attaching it to my bag.)

(Translation: move, plebeians.)

Lucky for me, I was able to keep my stealthy secret because of my luck; I hadn't gotten much in the way of morning sickness. No vomiting for *me*, thank you very much!

Well, during the first three months it's true that I never barfed, but it felt like I had a little nausea meter with me at all times, where full is good and empty means vomit. Most of the time it was at 'just slightly nauseous', but when I got hungry it would dip dangerously into 'definitely feeling sick'.

When having lunch, every day, each and every food item would carry a different nausea-inducing or reducing ranking. Think of it as an exciting game where the peices are reset every day:

i.e., you find out the hard way that today's rating system is as follows:

• That fish you had yesterday that was totally fine? Now that fish is -2 nausea points, sucker.
  
• Salad is +1, potatoes: +5 (yay)
  
• OH THAT MINI TOMATO IS MINUS TWENTY!! (bleaargh!).

Today: your best friend. Tomorrow, your worst enemy.

Thanks to that amusing game, I very nearly barfed at the private new-hire lunch where we are invited to converse with the COMPANY PRESIDENT.
Luckily there was a peice of cheese in my bento, thank the lord. Cheese cleared the slate and made me feel instantly cured, so I didn't even have to empty my stomach contents on the president's shoes.

THAT would have been a story.

From then on out I started taking the thing much more seriously. I got this big thick book on pregnancy from the local bookstore, which of course was in Japanese. But Japanese books are cute and have tons of explanatory illustrations and I could pretty much read most of it, except for the pregnancy-specific vocab. Which posed the unique dillema of Takeshi knowing the word in Japanese but not in English, so i would point to a word and ask him what it meant, with him having to describe everything.

(I wanted to include a picture of my book, but I can't find it at the moment. rats)

"Teiou-sekkai, um, that's when they get the baby out by cutting your stomach," he said, making snipping gestures.

Other than the occasional need for snipping gestures, I like this book. I like it for the main reason that it has pretty much the same advice as all those official medical sites by Western Authorities (this is not a outlet mall brand by the way), and the advice makes sense. And I like how it says 'you SHOULD have a cat. There is some rumor about toxoplasmosis these days, but if you take care of it normally the risk is negligable, in fact, cats have endearing qualities will help you cope with the stress of pregnancy."

Hear that Cally? You get to live another day! :D

But of course there are slight differences. Like in the US, people tell you to avoid raw fish altogether, whereas here they only tell you to avoid tuna, swordfish... and DOLHPINS AND WHALES (hello?! were we eating these??). Sashimi's freshness is taken so seriously here they show the *time* of packaging on the box and throw things out after a couple of HOURS, so this is probably why it's never come up as an issue here.

So what *do* I do to consolidate the different sources of sometimes confusing, often controversial information?

Easy. I look at the Japanese guide, then I look at the western guide, and painstakingly venn diagram them making little charts like I pretend I'm the crazy professor in A Beautiful Mind, and I
....throw away the advice out of the two versions that's the most pain in the ass.

Because seriously, if an entire *country* is having healthy babies without your "ruuuuuules", then I think I can ignore them, thank-you-very-much.

By the way, this is a great system that I think every pregnant lady should follow. If you have just one rule set, you're forced to follow everything on the list, no matter how crazy they sound. But if you have *two*, you can pick and choose between them for the easiest policies! Seriously, I am thinking of awarding myself with a pat on the back and a cookie for my quick thinking. (A cookie is allowed, because even though the US guide tells me to avoid sweets, the Japanese guidelines tell me no such thing. ;))

But fear not! I am not 100% a pregnancy rule slacker-offer. I am following *some* rules. The most lenient of both systems, but they exist nonetheless!

Like, no downhill skiing.

Right. Not that I would have done that anyway, BUT you may rest assured that since both WebMD *and* my Big Book of Illustrated Pregnancy Guidelines (in Japanese) specifically told me not to, it's off the list. SIGH.

Another sad thing is that I have not had *any* alcohol, even though I have read some lenient guidelines that said maybe a sip every now and then is "fiiine you big chicken", Takeshi slapped the glass out of my pretty little hand (figuratively! figuratively) and told me not to endanger his unborn child.

Sheesh! Have you BEEN to a Japanese izzakaya? Have you EXPERIENCED the sadness that is a nomihoudai when you're not allowed to drink?? My department just went to a 3-hour party at one of those all you can drink places, where the all-you-can-drink menu included a hundred-drink encyclopedia of various alcoholic delights.
The non-alcoholic menu? Coke, orange juice, and tea. That's it! For THREE HOURS!!
And no, there were no non-alcoholic versions of the hundred-drink party. I asked.

Batender, get me a pint of non-alcoholic juice in which to drown my sorrows.
On second thought, make it a double.

I am keeping a list as evidence, so I can point to it later. "Look at the sacrifices I made for you", I say as my offspring is looking over the list shaking his/her head in shame, (in this vision I am lounging one of those day sofa-beds gesturing at Junior with a cigarette in a long holder), "now mix me a martini, darling, and make it snappy!"

...what, this will totally work. I'm a genius!

Little (pregnant) Gaijin in the Big City!

Ohai ～ what? did I say something? do I have a piece of rice stuck on my cheek or eyelid or something?
Oh, that. The suspicious bulge in my midregion, belying the fact that I may or may not have something like a marsupial pouch up in there.

Weeeeelll I guess I should make the formal, official announcement that I have been putting off many a moon now...
your little gaijin is (finally, as my relatives would say), with child!!!
*fanfare please*
*feel free to continue with the fanfare*
I'll wait some more. I think I can still hear some cheering in the back row. yes yes, spoil me more!
:D

Ok, well I might as well put the facts out in plain sight for all to see: I'm now 23 weeks into my pregnancy.
I would tell you how many months that is, but the American counting system starts from 0, and the Japanese system starts with 1, and combining this with the fact that a month is not exactly four weeks long, I'm at a bit of a loss.
I think 5ish. 6ish in Japanese counting. Which goes up to 10 months, which scared the hell out of me when I heard it.
"They expect me to carry this thing in my womb for an EXTRA MONTH?!"
...but no no, it's like to the 10*TH* month. anyways.

One day I was innocently minding my own business, noticing my period taking its sweet time to arrive (as per usual), when I also noticed something strange.
I had...
*BOOBS*!!

Ok, please bear with me. I am normally an A cup, if that. An 'A minus', so to say. My loving adoring sister saw the poster for an indies band or something, titled "SUPERFLAT", and she pointed it out, giggling "That's *you*!"
Thanks sis.
Lucky for me here in Japan cup sizes adjusted one down, so all the poor superflatties like me can feel better about our chests. 'hrm hrm, I'm a B! Not bad! I can pose for magazines soon!' I though when trying on bras here, before I knew this cruel trick.
But one day, I couldn't help noticing. Volume! shape! looking lovely there, fellas!
...and still no period.
...?
...I, I guess it's time to pee on a stick.

So, I peed on the stick. And it still had some pee on it as I stared at it for about half an hour, the light slowly draining from the room as the sun set, the little blue line was still visible as I sat staring.
I finally got my wits together enough to put the lid on the damn thing and call Takeshi.
"Oh" he said in a tiny voice. "Con, congratulations!" I could hear a bunch of people talking around him, I think he was on a fishing boat with a loud motor.

"But this doesn't mean anything yet. It's too early to celebrate. Don't get your hopes up too much, okay?" I said to him, but I think mostly to myself.
"WhAT? I CANT HEAR YOU... " the boat engine roared and forced me to hang up and research about miscarriage rates.
Yep, aLARMINgly high. There's a good one out of five chance that it will be gone before you know it.
"But you can try again as soon and often as you want!" says the perky helpful WebMD site.
Yeah... sounds like an exciting game of chance. On the roulette table of your womb, red on an even gives chances for extreme emotional damage. Woo!

When the poor man came home that night I was drilling him on all the causes of miscarriage.
"The most important thing to know is, if one happens, it's NOT MY FAULT okay."
...
I'll try to explain. I've never been pregnant, much less had a miscarriage, but I know people who have, and it sounded awful. In my thinking, you were maybe shielded from the pain if maybe only if you decided not to think of that little blue line on the stick as a *baby*.
Nope, it's a 4/5 chance at possibly a baby.
I obviously am very good at covering my emotional ass.

Anyways, another pee on a stick later, I scheduled an appointment at the closest maternity clinic to our house on July 20, which was about 6 weeks into the pregnancy.

Did you know? The camera??? They should call it a PENIS CAM. because that's what it is, essentially. There is a curtain, where your legs go through, and some doctor you can't see, a very MALE doctor I might add, pokes you in your delicate lady parts!!

Doctor: "Um, I need you to relax. You're not relaxing."
Me: "hehehHEHEHAAAAHAAA!!" *I am laughing to mask my internal hysterical screams*

So I found out the hard way the first two appointments involve a fun little rendezvous with Mr. Penis Cam, which was apparently actually medically necessary and not just a cruel prank the doctor made up, because even on the first time I was able to see an ultrasound of sorts: he showed me a dark blur with a tiny lighter blur, that looked maybe like a jelly bean.
"Hm," he said, aiming the camera around, probably just for fun, "it's really too early to tell you if it's gonna make it."
Thanks doc.
"But take these folic acid supplements and go to the city office and register your pregnancy before your next appointment in a month and we'll go from there."

I was still in emotional buffer/cushioning/denial stage JUST IN CASE, and was really not thinking about it too much. Besides, as I had just started at the new job, I was *really really* not looking forward to telling my boss and boss's boss that I had possibly broken the company's record of Fastest Getting Knocked Up After Hiring.
After all it was just a bean, even if it was a bean with a 4/5 chance of becoming a baby.

Anyways, a month passed with nothing particular happening, and before I knew it it was time for the next checkup. I even, about an hour before my next appointment, went to the city office for the registration, and they gave me an overwhelmingly large packet with a bunch of stuff that I *still* haven't looked at all of. But the important things are the Boshi-techo (parent child handbook where you're supposed to write your checkup results, and keep FOREVER until the kid is in college or something, an more importantly, discount coupons for pre-natal checkups.
Why would I need those? Japan has national healthcare, it should all be covered, right?
Ha!
You're so cute, thinking that a country with such a low birthrate would try make it easy on it's population and help cover having kids. no no no. Pregnancy and childbirth are not considered an illness and thus are not covered under the national heath insurance plan. AT ALL. wow. Apparently they refund a big chunk of the hospital birth costs about half a year after the birth, long after you've proven you've added a +1 to the population.

Also, there were tons of papers in difficult kanjis I can read about 50% of, so I sort of ignored them. But Takeshi checked them over and had the same glazed and glassy eyes and tossed them on the couch too, so I don't feel so bad.

...back to the narrative...
When I finally had my second checkup, and rendezvous with the camera, I really tried to relax, and still couldn't. But this time I was finally distracted by the sonogram screen...

My jelly bean...in just one month's time, it had turned into a human!!
I had just seen Prometheus, and was vaguely considering what I would do if it were, you know, some sort of alien-squid creature.

But no, luck and prevailed and it was definitely human.
It had HANDS!!! Little fingers! A head and midsection! maybe no feet, I couldn't tell, but close enough, right?
The doctor pointed to a little blipping dot in the middle of the screen.
"See that? it's its heart."
Me: "uhhh.. mm *SNRFFLE*"

I tried to say something but totally gave up, I was crying and then the tears made me cry even more until it was like a chain reaction of tears. I think that's when the whole thing sank in the first time.
In fact I'm getting a little teary eyed just thinking of it. ;)
... Ok, I thought, little guy, or girl, you're not a bean any more. You're a baby, aren't you. dammit. Now how am I supposed to stay emotionally detached. I'm not even in the 'anteikika' : Japanese word for stable period, which starts at 4 months and means you're pretty much in the clear for miscarriage.

But now when I talked to the doctor (after about 20 minutes of trying to make it look like I hadn't just BAWLED my freak'n EYES out,) he assured me it was doing well, and as it now had a heartbeat, had about a 97% percent chance of survival.

97!!
Well.. I guess I can take those odds...

(to be continued in the next riveting chapter! ;))