Monday, January 13, 2014

On the rollercoaster

Quick! the baby's sleeping! The house is pretty messy but the sink is clear. Do...I ...gasp... have a moment to myself??
I think when I was pregnant, I posted that I was expecting having a kid to being like riding a rollercoaster. It turns out this is a pretty accurate description, and although the experience is amazing and stuff, it's hard to write while you're on the ride. I havn't seen many twitter posts or anything while actually ON a rollercoaster.
just guessing, it would probably not be actually very helpful

@littlegaijin: AIEEEEEE!!! #onrollercoaster

So yeah.
Ok. Ray is now nearly ten months, which means he is quite aware that he is possibly the cutest baby in the world, and whenever in a crowded area waves at everyone in sight, even if they clearly have no interest in babies, he leans over and smiles a big laser-gun beam of a grin and taps them on the shoulder, coos, and then tries to get them to give him a high-five. Totally embarrasing? yes. But he has sure made many little old ladies and gentlemen happy with his aggressive cuteness.
He is now crawling around *properly* on all fours and terrorizing the cat (sorry Cally!) and getting into all sorts of trouble. Good thing he is possibly the cutest baby in the world, because otherwise... well, you might just have to look up the word defenestration.
We just moved to a new apartment, and there was a small hitch in getting settled in, there is no place to put clean dishes. So in the week or so interrim before we went and bought a dish-rack, we sort of ad-hocked a place to put them on a magazine shelf and short wire rack. This was really pretty terrible in the baby-proofing department. So on Christmas I was trying to clean the house, and Ray decided it was a really great fun toy mommy had set up in the kitchen, all the ceramic dishes out there in the open, low where he could reach them. He had something wooden in his hand and was practicing banging on various surfaces to see what kind of noise that would make. Very experimental, good for development I'm sure \, I thought as I kept a wary eye on him while washing dishes. oh, now he is banging his wooden stick on the mugs.
ting ting ting!
Mmmm I think that isn't so bad, I girmaced, trying to finish the dishes as quickly as possible.
Oh now he dropped his stick and is pulling the mugs off the shelf, which thankfully are so close to the ground they didn't break,,,,OKAY THAT IS THE LAST STRAW YOUNG MAN I think and hastily dry my hands and plop him onto his safe baby play area in the living room. (No I didn't have a baby-gate dividing the kitchen from the living room ... also on the to-buy list).
I go back to the kitchen to wash the last few dishes, and think about getting dinner ready.
I hear a *grrrRRRRrrr HIIISSSSSSS!!* and see Ray is pulling on Cally's tail pretty hard. 'Ray Stop that! Remember? I showed you how to pet her, gently!' I say, fully aware that a nine-month old baby doesn't understand english. Or Japanese either.
Suddenly Ray is crying, because Cally bit him on the arm. There are little dents.
'Oh no.... see what happens? I told you!' I say to Ray as I pick him up and comfort him and shoo Cally into the other room. He perks right up and now pulls my hair very hard. Some hairs come away in his hand. I should probably cut it short, but I'm afraid this will make me look middle-aged.
'GENTLY. GENTLY!' I move his hand softly against my hair hoping he'll get the picture. He sort of monkey jumps on me while giving the biggest smile imaginable. Oh you are so DARLING I just want to SMOOCH you. I smooch him, then put him down. Little bugger's getting heavy!

I have swept the floor this morning, so I let him roam free while I start on a soup. One eye is reserved for the baby. I see him crawling, slowly, inspecting . He plays with a toy, and I relax. He discards the toy, finds an electrical cord.
As long as he doesn't put it into his mouth... alert level: orange.
he discards the cird and crawls around, pulls up to a spread-eagle stand against a wall and ...proceeds to lick it. Eeew.
Ray....... oh well, it's wallpaper, not lead paint, I think, and chop some onions. alert level: yellow.
I focus on dinner and he has crawled back into the kitchen, and proceeds directly to the dish rack and pulls off the mugs again.
Argh! I pick him up, ready to scold and/or smooch, and notice he's slurping on something.
I have perfected the pinky-sweep for getting shit out of his mouth. (usually not literally shit, although I did find a peice of kitty litter one time... shudder), and find... a clove of raw garlic!! His breath reeks like you wouldn't believe. He really did not want to give that garlic up, requiring me to hold him very firmly while forcing his mouth open.
You can probably guess how much he enjoyed that. Now Ray is quite cranky. SO AM I, I think, and stick him in the jumperoo while I finish dinner. Thank the lord and his heavenly servant Fisher-Price for the Jumperoo.

Anyways, I just thought it would be possible to do stuff, like finish editing my novel, or create an app for the android or something while simultaneously taking care of a baby. Ha! HAA!
At least I have found a day-care that will take him for a few hours twice a week, or Ray might not be the only one tearing my hair out. Takeshi was watching him for about forty-five minutes while I was getting dinner ready, and I heard lots of pleas and cries and comments of annoyance, and by the time I put dinner on the table it looked like he had aged several years (hubby, not baby). 'otsukare-sama desu, Kyra-san!' he said in awe, which means 'thanks for all your hard work!' refering to me chasing him around all the time. heh! that was 45 minutes bub, you ain't seen nothin.

But lest you think this is a torturous affair, he just started babbling word-like noises like 'mmm..MA! Mamaaa' and is about the cutest darn thing. He is quite well-behaved when we go out and charms everyone. So, my idea of a relaxing weekend at home usually involves not being at home at all.

Oops, he woke up, gotta go...
Time for a nice walk methinks!